I wonder, if life keeps you in some specific envirement for a while, do you get used to it? I mean does it become something you are seeking for? And the time, when you saw it as something against your will gets to be something you accept, goes away?

I have been suraunded be people all my life. My relatives, my parents, school mates and such. But still at the same time i have been alone all my life as well.

I suppose you might think if someone says things like these, then he/she just didn't have anyone who would care or protected him/her. But i think i can disagree on that. Well… What i am saying is that i have had my mom for all the times, and i am sure she can be considered as someone who loves me and wishes me best. I had a few other people, who did some good things to me and helped a lot. I had people, i may say showed a lot of care.

I don't know though why still i feel this way? You shall ask if something terrible happened to me or i am going through hard times, but respond to all that would be NO.

Everyone at some point faces bad situations and problems throughout life, so do i. So nothing special about my issues. 

But this loneliness. I just don't know how to make it go away. Even when i am happy and suraunded by good news i still know i am lonely. 

There isn't a person who would promise to go through life with me, who would promise to hold my hand till the end no matter what, no matter am i at my best or worse. There isn't one who would love me JUST the way i am, when i am good, when i am bad, when i am a liar or the most reliable one, when i am the best helper ever or the laziest one.

Of course i don't mean my mom or other family members. 

Person i loved, only time in my life, has been the best i had and helped a lot and cared as much. But i lost hope. I might be at times not the best friend ever, but i never allowed myself to say i was sick of him or i didn't simple want to see him. He did. And it hurts. A lot. There is a lot of love in me to him, but not a drop of trust. And don't say ''if you love, you frorgive and trust no matter what'' if you have never knew this feeling.