Hey there.

I have posted all my diaries here, but just deleted them all. Too messy. 

Today is the 4th day since my baby left. We have been dating for more than two and a half years. And for the last three months we lived together. Not that long time ago we started having problems in our relationship. Fought to often. Shorter — didn't do very well. Plus, he had a skin problem. All togethere brought us to the sad end. He decided to leave Ukraine. Not for ever. Just for the summer. 

Now i wonder — what would i like more, if he left for ever or just for this time. 

Last year he left for a month. I did so well living alone, without him. I didn't cry. I wasn't sad. I missed him, but i missed him as a grown person. Now, when he left for three months, i burst into tears every single day. I cry so loud. My soul scream from pain, my heart falls apart. I don't sleep. I am bored. I don't feel like doing something. I don't wanna see anybody. i just wanna die to stop all of these. 

I think that last year i was stronger because i lived in his apartment, and that made me to feel confident and safe. It made me know that he would return to me. And now i live with my mom. he doesn't call or write as often as he used to. And i don't know if we will be together again. He said a lot of sweet things the day before he left. He called me his family, said that he loves me. But what if he did it to calm me down? Or what if he changes his mind in three month? Three bloody months is a long time. 

i really don't know how to servive this time. I don't know if i can be strong enough to stay alive. 

I just need him so much. 

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